SECRET WORLD OF OUR SECRETARIES
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Tuesday, 10 June 2014 | Kumar Chellappan | in Oped
Prime Minister Narendra Modi will have managed a huge achievement if he can turn around the functioning of the bureaucracy. The babus’ motto has been to do little work but profess the greatest commitment towards duty
Prime Minister Narendra Modi, who criss-crossed the country in the run-up to the Lok Sabha election, could win the hearts of millions of Indians through his inspiring and enlightening speeches and his body language. After assuming office, he, in an unprecedented gesture turned towards the bureaucrats, asking them to help him realise his dreams to build a modern India.
Taking a cue from him, Union Ministers too are trying to win over the babus in their ministries, asking them to “connect, coordinate and communicate”, so that the process of decision-making could be simplified and speeded up. Whether the babus would extend a helping hand to the Prime Minister and his colleagues is to be seen.
Mr Piyush Goyal, the suave Union Minister who is in charge of Coal, Power and New and Renewable Energy, is reported to have distributed, free of cost, copies of My Autobiography,authored by former Manchester United coach, Sir Alex Ferguson. How this is going to inspire the bureaucrats is anybody’s guess, as Mr Ferguson has not revealed in the book how he turned Manchester United into a winning side.
While speaking about the hundreds of Secretaries, Joint Secretaries, Special Secretaries, Additional Secretaries, one cannot help recalling Yes Minister, the hilarious BBC serial telecast by Doordarshan in the 1980s. It is the story of how Sir Humphrey Appleby and Bernard Wooley, the two Secretaries in the Ministry of Administrative Reforms of the British Government make a fool of Jim Hacker, the honourable Minister.
The Minister wanted transparency in governance while the Secretaries tell him that there can be no governance with transparency. “It is like light in the refrigerator syndrome”, the Secretaries tell the bewildered Minister. “If you want to know whether the light is burning when the refrigerator door is closed, you have to open the door. When the refrigerator door is opened, the issue becomes more mysterious”, the Secretaries brief the gullible Minister.
Jim Hacker is told by the Secretaries in no uncertain terms that Secretaries are meant for keeping secrets. “That’s why we are called Secretaries. There can be no governance without secrets and Secretaries”, they tell the Minister.
My experience with the bureaucracy has always flabbergasted me. Each and every moment of the day I had served in the Government of India service is engraved in my mind like thousand-year-old inscriptions on rocks. It remains with me although I am no longer in service. Once I was handed over my appointment order, I was administered the oath of allegiance to the Constitution by K Kunhikrishnan, the then Director, Doordarshan Kendra.
After a cup of refreshing coffee, he wished me the best of luck and told me that the sky was the limit in Government service! Then I was introduced to R Sankara Iyer, a programme executive who was to be my colleague for the next nine years. “My God! Why did you join Doordarshan and that too an institution under the control of the Union Government? You are doomed”, said Iyer to my dismay.
I don’t know why he told me this. But MN Unni, another would-be colleague, received me with warmth. “Iyer has a lot of disappointments and it is reflected in his words. If you follow the Four Golden Rules, nothing will happen to you and you will retain the same enthusiasm even after 30 years”, said Unni.
I asked him about the Four Golden Rules. He led me to the office canteen and explained: “That, my dear friend, is as follows. Come on time; go after office hours; never say ‘no’ to anyone and don’t do any work. That’s how I survived all these years”, said Unni.
Over the next couple of years, I could understand the logic behind the Four Golden Rules. You have to make it to the office on time to save yourself from disciplinary action. The head of the office inspects the attendance register to find out whether all have come on time. Frequent markings in the register indicating late arrival would lead to adverse comments in the annual confidential report about the punctuality of the concerned staff. Leaving office after office hours is to convince the superiors that one has not bunked work. One is not expected to say ‘no’ to whatever the superiors tell, as saying ‘no’ would be a sign of indiscipline.
Prime Minister Narendra Modi, who criss-crossed the country in the run-up to the Lok Sabha election, could win the hearts of millions of Indians through his inspiring and enlightening speeches and his body language. After assuming office, he, in an unprecedented gesture turned towards the bureaucrats, asking them to help him realise his dreams to build a modern India.
Taking a cue from him, Union Ministers too are trying to win over the babus in their ministries, asking them to “connect, coordinate and communicate”, so that the process of decision-making could be simplified and speeded up. Whether the babus would extend a helping hand to the Prime Minister and his colleagues is to be seen.
Mr Piyush Goyal, the suave Union Minister who is in charge of Coal, Power and New and Renewable Energy, is reported to have distributed, free of cost, copies of My Autobiography,authored by former Manchester United coach, Sir Alex Ferguson. How this is going to inspire the bureaucrats is anybody’s guess, as Mr Ferguson has not revealed in the book how he turned Manchester United into a winning side.
While speaking about the hundreds of Secretaries, Joint Secretaries, Special Secretaries, Additional Secretaries, one cannot help recalling Yes Minister, the hilarious BBC serial telecast by Doordarshan in the 1980s. It is the story of how Sir Humphrey Appleby and Bernard Wooley, the two Secretaries in the Ministry of Administrative Reforms of the British Government make a fool of Jim Hacker, the honourable Minister.
The Minister wanted transparency in governance while the Secretaries tell him that there can be no governance with transparency. “It is like light in the refrigerator syndrome”, the Secretaries tell the bewildered Minister. “If you want to know whether the light is burning when the refrigerator door is closed, you have to open the door. When the refrigerator door is opened, the issue becomes more mysterious”, the Secretaries brief the gullible Minister.
Jim Hacker is told by the Secretaries in no uncertain terms that Secretaries are meant for keeping secrets. “That’s why we are called Secretaries. There can be no governance without secrets and Secretaries”, they tell the Minister.
My experience with the bureaucracy has always flabbergasted me. Each and every moment of the day I had served in the Government of India service is engraved in my mind like thousand-year-old inscriptions on rocks. It remains with me although I am no longer in service. Once I was handed over my appointment order, I was administered the oath of allegiance to the Constitution by K Kunhikrishnan, the then Director, Doordarshan Kendra.
After a cup of refreshing coffee, he wished me the best of luck and told me that the sky was the limit in Government service! Then I was introduced to R Sankara Iyer, a programme executive who was to be my colleague for the next nine years. “My God! Why did you join Doordarshan and that too an institution under the control of the Union Government? You are doomed”, said Iyer to my dismay.
I don’t know why he told me this. But MN Unni, another would-be colleague, received me with warmth. “Iyer has a lot of disappointments and it is reflected in his words. If you follow the Four Golden Rules, nothing will happen to you and you will retain the same enthusiasm even after 30 years”, said Unni.
I asked him about the Four Golden Rules. He led me to the office canteen and explained: “That, my dear friend, is as follows. Come on time; go after office hours; never say ‘no’ to anyone and don’t do any work. That’s how I survived all these years”, said Unni.
Over the next couple of years, I could understand the logic behind the Four Golden Rules. You have to make it to the office on time to save yourself from disciplinary action. The head of the office inspects the attendance register to find out whether all have come on time. Frequent markings in the register indicating late arrival would lead to adverse comments in the annual confidential report about the punctuality of the concerned staff. Leaving office after office hours is to convince the superiors that one has not bunked work. One is not expected to say ‘no’ to whatever the superiors tell, as saying ‘no’ would be a sign of indiscipline.
Then the last rule: Don’t do any work. “
The bosses ask you to do that work and this work. All you have to do is to tell them, ‘Yes Sir’. They will never ask you again whether the work has been done or not. And moreover, there is no chances of committing any mistake if you don’t do the work”, explained my colleague Unni.
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